butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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