I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
