She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
