In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
