When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
