im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
