dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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