We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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