I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
