it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
