I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
