just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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