Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
