Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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