I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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