I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
