We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
