Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
