The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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