i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
