the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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