he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
