I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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