And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want nice things and good sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
