You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
