If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
