So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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