does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
