I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
