just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
