I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
