plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
