Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My pussy is not your playground.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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