My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
