if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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