I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
