Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
