He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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