When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
