Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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