Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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