Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
