never play flip cup with pint glasses
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
