Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
