my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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