Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
