wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
