Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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