omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
