In the future we'll all be gay
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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