somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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