I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
