Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
