Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
