I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
