RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
