It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
