Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
