I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize