he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
