i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
