oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
