She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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