is your mom at the bar?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
