Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
