You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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