and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
