Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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