My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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