this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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