and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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