you have to choose: penises or morals?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
