Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
