Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
