very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
