i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
