sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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