Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How external is "for external use only"?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
